I dub thee, "Something Stupid"

Why do people have the urge to call their children ridiculous names? By this, I do not mean names that might be considered slightly unusual, but names (if you can call them that) which just defy belief, such as Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple, or someone I vaguely know called Azalea. An Azalea is a tree. This is like calling your child Pine, or Ash.

Or you've got Fifi Trixibelle Geldof, Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof and Little Pixie Geldof. Bob Geldof tries to prevent cruelty all over the world, and yet look at what he did to his children. This is abuse, surely.

Or I heard of someone called Paris. Would you call your child London or Hull? No, so don't call them Paris.

Then, of course, there is the spelling. Now, some obscure spelling is absolutely fine, for example the Scottish spelling of Alastair is with a 'd' (Alasdair), however, something like 'Kortny' is just wrong trying to be different. I'm always wary of those with names spelt differently; it's as if they're trying to make up for something.

There is, however, a use for these 'names.' The government should employ someone with the specific task of looking at the names of people born in the UK (if it paid well, I'd be willing), and if the name is deemed mean, cruel or just plain stupid, the parents have to participate in compulsory parental training before taking a test and re-naming the child. If they fail the test, the child is given to people who, due to unfortunate circumstances, are unable to have children, and who would never call their child Brynxton Herbery Fiold. IVF is no longer necessary, and we have a drop in the rate of child-related misdemeanours. And if the original parents breed again, and haven't learnt their lesson, they are shot and used as cadavers. Everyone's happy.

Incidentally, making outlandish and controversial statements can be a laugh. He he he.